I was very moved and inspired by Holland and Eden's mom, Billie's, post on having a child with CP.
As I commented on her post, I have many fears about Edwin and Serena's future and what we will learn about their deveolment as time goes on.
It is a very difficult and different parenting experience when you have a preemie. Most parents take so many things for granted, and of course before I was unexpectedly put in this position, I did as well. I just assumed everything would be fine. My children would talk and walk early...of course they would, I talked at 4 months and was walking by 10 months; they'd be the smartest kids in their class, and go onto a great college. They would probably be star athletes like their father, and would be the envy of all people. Of course I didn't really think like this, but to some degree, I just assumed everything would go perfectly fine and we would never have to worry about developmental milestones.
I certainly never expected that there would be a possibility that they wouldn't be able to do things I used to see as simple things.
I look at life and my children so differently now. I am a parent who appreciates EVERY little thing, and worries about a lot too. Do they open their hands enough? How are they doing with head control and tummy time? Are there signs of something wrong at this time?
I won't even request an MRI for them because I don't want to know.
I want to enjoy them for who they are and what they are doing now, and I don't want to get news that will tell me something I'll never be prepared to hear. Because, although I am semi-preparing myself for news of CP or other diagnoses, I don't think as a parent you can ever 100% prepare yourself for this type of news about your child(ren).
I don't want to ever get bad news about Serena and Edwin's health. I pray to God all the time that they will be able to walk, talk, and one day live an independent life. These are prayers I never thought I would need to make. These are wishes and dreams I have for my children that I never thought of before September 29, 2006.
But the fact is, no amount of worrying is going to change anything. There is no reason to stress and obsess about CP or anything else.
Whatever happens, we will face it head on. We will love our children the same way Billie and John love Holland and Eden. We will try to help others just as they have by sharing our children's lives with the world. We will never give up and never abandon them. And most importantly, we will never, ever regret our decision to save their lives and continue care.
Each day with Serena and Edwin is a blessing. Those parents who have lost preemies would probably give just about anything to have more days with their babies. I hurt deeply for those parents, and I wish things were different for them.
We are so blessed, so very lucky, so honored, to have our miracle children and we will take them however they come.
I love you Serena Lynn Rodriguez and Edwin Kelly Rodriguez, Jr. you are the lights of my life.
8 comments:
Edwin and Serena are thoroughly blessed to have you as their mother, their advocate, their helper, their teacher and their playmate. Each day they thrive and grow surrounded by your love. No one knows what the future may hold, but Edwin and Serena know your unfailing love will brighten all of their tomorrows!!!
I just wanted to say, your babies are beautiful!
sammie
www.n8andnoah.com
I was so touched by your post. You are right, we preemie parents take NOTHING for granted. Each time I look at Cooper, I wonder what Logan would be doing if he were still here.
I am so happy that Edwin and Serena are doing so well, and I celebrate each of their milestones with you. I hope they will know the endless amount of love that you and Edwin Sr. have for them, I have no doubt they will.
You are truly an amazing mother!
What an amazing and BEAUTIFUL mom you are! I LOVE the pictures and your positive outlook is very inspiring. Your babies make me smile each time I see and read about them. So sweet!
Stephanie
The pictures you have posted are beautiful.
The words you have posted are even more beautiful.
Your words portray you as someone who has clearly researched these matters (and I have seen you posting in places that indicate that you have) and yet you choose life and to find joy in that life.
My prayer for you is that no matter how tough the future may be you will be able to retain your joy in your children - even if the joy you find in them is different to that you anticipated.
One of my miscarriages was due to a chromosomal abnormality. And I know that I would have chosen, in an instance, to have her live, even with her problems, than to have had her die.
Your post is so true.
I agree with you: everything I worried about then (a year ago today, that is, before Sharon went into labor a year ago tomorrow) is quite trivial. All of my stupid fears about not being able to afford college and music lessons for two kids, and that sort of nonsense, just makes zero sense anymore.
I know how you feel about the MRI issue; but the one thing I would do is make sure that you get Edwin and Serena all of the developmental services out there that Early Intervention offers. My reasoning is this: if there is a problem, they can deal with it and get them in the best place they can be as early on as possible. And if the kids face no problems at all (from my typewriter to whatever deity or power you wish's ear) then they might just do things a bit earlier than other kids. Whatever happens, they are champs and gorgeous and I look forward to seeing their beautiful faces every time I log onto your blog.
Abby I agree,
Serena and Edwin have received EI services biweekly since they came home from the hospital. We will be transitioning to weekly appointments in a month or two.
Thank you for the compliments, it really means a lot to us. I have found that even though life can be very sad and stressful for us at times, our sweet girls always get us thorough it. Also on the bright side is the fact that I think I am a better person in many ways than I was before, and I have had a chance to inspire and encourage others who are on a similar path in life.
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