September 26

Last year on this date Edwin and I went over to my appointment at UMass. We had an ultrasound scheduled so we went there first. We saw images of both babies, got the confirmation that we were having a boy and a girl and that they were almost exactly the same size which was a good thing in pregnancy. They were on target for their gestation...23.2 weeks. During the belly ultrasoujnd the tech said "Don't let me forget to do an internal ultrasound. Your OB likes to do one around this time with her high risk patients." She remembered anyway and so we got to that part of the exam. I thought everything was normal and she asked me to do all of these different positions, etc. and then said "I'll be back I have to consult with the Dr." I was not nervous abgout that statement this time because the last ultrasound she had said the same thing and I panicked and nothing was wrong. I figured she just had to consult since she is the tech and needed to get the okay from the Dr before telling me I was all set.
The Dr. came in, looked at the ultrasound photos and asked me if I was having any "cramping, abdominal pain, back pain, etc." No I wasn't having any pain, in fact I felt great.
I was then told my cervix was shortened and this was a sign of preterm labor. She also said my membranes were bulging. I would need to bring these ultrasound photos to my OB and I would probably be admitted to Labor and Delivery. I immediately started crying. I still remember the look on the tech's face. She said "it will beokay" but something in her eyes told me it wouldn't.
I immediately called my mom, who was at work, and told her what was happening. She googled it and said they would probably do a cerclage. I didn't know what was going on. I saw my OB and was immediately brought to L&D via wheelchair.
My cervix was checked and I was told I was 1 cm dialated. At that point it was still unclear if I would remain in the hospital until delivery or be permitted to go home on bedrest. I was asked if they could do a drug test, they did a swab to check for infection, and urine tests. Edwin then decided to go to the gym for a couple of hours while I stayed in bed and tried to rest.
An hour or so later the Dr checked my cervix again. To my horror she said I was 3 cm dialted. I was immediately put on a monitor for my contractions (which I couldn't really feel), was given meds to stop my labor, and had my first steroid shot for the babies lungs. A NICU consult was requested. I was hysterical. I was so scared and alone. I called Edwin and my mom who came right back to the hospital. I was beyond upset. I didn't understand why this was happening.
When the Dr came back she said she thought I had always been 3 cm but that with the bulging membranes it was hard to tell, so in a way that was good news b/c it meant I didn't go from 1 to 3 in only an hour. My OB came in to see me and followed up with me about everything that had happened. We talked about the need for a classical c section if they were born and she said "we'll talk about that."
The NICU came down to talk. They thought I was more like 22.4 at this point and said they would resuscitate if we wanted if I was to deliver that night. Edwin and I quickly stated we wanted them to try to save our babies. I didn't correct them about my dates. I was 23.2 weeks. We heard sooo much it is now like blur to me. I remember hearing a lot of things like BPD, ROP, IVH, etc not having any clue what it all meant. I remember hearing that the neo didn't have the statistics of survival but in 2005 there were 2 23 weekers born and they both survived, but he quickly said "that was a good year...a very good year." He made it clear that was no normal for them both to have survived. He said getting the 2nd shot of steoids would help their chances, but since they were twins they had even a smaller chance of survival b/c twins tend to develop slower then singletons. I remember he talked about long term outcomes and said that they could end up with anything from glasses to cerebral palsy. He said babies born at this gestation are never 100% "normal." I remember him saying the longer you stay pregnant the better chance they have of surviving and the better their long term outcome will be. Make it to at least 27 weeks I remember him saying. When he left he said "I better not see you again tonight."
I was so overwhelmed, so scared, so devastated, but yet I thought there was NO WAY I was having these babies any time soon. By this time they had determined I would be in the hospital until delivery and they were hoping to keep me pregnant for at least 10 weeks. I was ready to get comfy and stay awhile.
That night was scary. Everytime they felt my cervix I would go into painful and frequent contractions (I finally began feeling them at this point.) But I didn't dialate more than 3cms that night. I was scared but I really thought I would stay pregnant and be in the hospital for the next several weeks. I never thought I would be having my babies in less than 72 hours...