Rambling thoughts...

So, I found out that my vaginal swab from September 26th, 2006 (the day I was admitted to labor and delivery at 3 centimeters dialated) came back normal. Nice way to start off a public post huh?
I don't know why no one told me this before, or perhaps they did at some time while I was in the hospital, but I honestly can't remember. I remember asking my OB at my 6 week post natal follow up why she thought I delivered so early, and she said she thought it was because I was carrying twins. I remember asking if it was due to an infection because I spiked a 101.4 temp a day and a half after delivery that took the rest of the week to come down. She wasn't sure, (because no one bothered to grab a sample of the amniotic fluid and test it...thanks Docs), but she didn't think so.
Well, I wish she had told me about the swab which came back normal. I was conviced I had some sort of infection there. I couldn't think of any other reason why they would have come early. Well, apparently I was Group B Strep negative, and everything else was normal. I didn't even have a UTI. My membranes never ruptured, I just dialated and dialated and delivery was inevitable. So, I still don't know why they came so early, and I probably never will.

But it does lead me to ponder these sextuplets that have been born this past week. Now, I don't want to be overly controversial, and many things I have read have been a little too harsh for my liking, but I really can't help think about it.
My body naturally produced two eggs that were both fertilized, creating my fraternal twin babies. Then for some reason, my body made them come out way too early.
So, I wonder, what would happen if for some reason I was carrying six?
There is no way. If Edwin and I had to seek fertility treatment, I would only consent to treatment that would ensure that I did not carry high order multiples. I did not say selective reduction, but rather, any procedure that implants only one at a time, even if that meant the chances of a successful implantation were extremely reduced.
This is partly because of my personal experience where having two went so poorly. (plus, I can't imagine caring for six babies at once, or paying for them.)
I know next time I will be followed closer (what's closer than seeing a high risk OB from 5 weeks on? I guess they'll be checking my cervix and possibly giving me a cerclage).
But, I probably won't have to seek fertility treatment, and yet this doesn't mean I would only carry one. There is a chance I could become pregnant with twins again. But, I would not chose reduction, no question, no doubt. I probably wouldn't ever move, and go to the bathroom in a bed pan, but I couldn't chose reduction.
So when I think about these mothers who had to make a decision to reduce or not, it seems easy to criticize at first. How could you take that risk? Delivery at 22.6? Oh my goodness...
But then, I put myself in their shoes. Like I said, if I naturally produced two, with my history, it may be a medical suggestion to reduce, but I would not. So maybe, without really believing they would ever become pregnant with six, they just couldn't consent to reduction once they discovered they actually were carrying sextplets.
It's a scary thing...but then again everything related to pregnancy now produces fear in me. There is no longer any 100% excitment. Forever, pregnancy is a scary thing to me, where every thought centers around premature birth. I guess I probably do have some form of PTSD.
Which brings me to another question. What would I do if I delivered again at 23 weeks? Would I chose resuscitation again?
Yes. Yes I would. As hard, scary, and devastating as it was, I would try and save my baby again. I, however, think I even have to evaluate how early is too early. Where 23 weeks seems to be the extreme cut off, and it is that way with the NICU my children would be treated, I would not push for resuscitation before 23 weeks. This is not because I wouldn't want my child to survive, rather, I respect the medical driven reasons for why our NICU does not go any earlier. I can't even imagine missing the cut off by a couple of days...but I also have to think about how hard it was for my two at 23.5 with the two doses of prenatal steroids; I just can't imagine them surviving much earlier. But, I pray to God, I don't deliver early next time.

My heart really goes out to Mrs. Morrison, she is my age, and like me, and many of my readers, is now facing the devastation of extreme preamturity. Two of her sons have already passed away, the rest are clearly very critical. I can't say too much about it...just that I feel so incredibly sad for them.